Sabotage can be quite the sneak, making an appearance just when we think everything is on track. The irony of self-sabotage lies in its paradoxical nature. It's like playing a prank on yourself without realising you're both the trickster and the victim. There's a humorous dark twist in the fact that, at times, we actively work against our own interests, often driven by internal conflicts, fears, or ingrained habits.
For me it’s often found in the whirlwind of deadlines, despite years of artistry under my belt, the craft remains a dance with unforeseen challenges. This week, as I sprint towards university submission goals, a peculiar form of sabotage emerges.
One project beautifully sails through the gates of my self-imposed approval, and I seamlessly transition to the next—a venture into the fantastical realm of a Fantasy Art exhibition opportunity. The genre is an unexpected twist, yet my evolving story-making finds a perfect fit. Deadline day looms, and with it, the mischievous saboteur.
Today, the final strokes beckon, and an unsettling discontent settles over my work. A familiar dance with self-critique begins. In the eleventh hour, the saboteur whispers a tantalising proposition—an entirely new approach, a 3-D model of the witch for unparalleled character exploration. I rush off to the shops to buy bits and pieces that will help me construct this idea and in the queue to pay, a wave of realisation that I’ve very nearly tricked myself dawns on me! It's undeniably a brilliant idea, a boon for character depth, yet it threatens to dismantle the my original picture book vision. Sabotage, in its clandestine guise, dangles the allure of improvement, forcing a delicate balance between evolution and the ticking clock.
So what can we do? - Understanding the root cause is crucial for developing ways to overcome these patterns. It often involves a combination of self-reflection and a chat with someone who understands is a real help too. I did just that last night and again this morning. Recognising patterns through someone who knows you well can be a delicate and sensitive moment. It's crucial to bear in mind that their perspective offers a unique lens. Acknowledge their observations, but blend them with your own lived experience, striving for as much objectivity as possible.
So, what am I going to do TODAY? - I’m going to finish the original picture book idea and submit that today! I was just wondering if writing this to you an hour-long procrastination tactic but it’s settled my thoughts and reaffirmed my confidence in my original idea - thanks for letting me write to you and land in your inbox.
Right I’m off to get this done!
Sam x